Excuses For Why We Failed At Love

“1. I’m lonely so I do lonely things.
2. Loving you was like going to war; I never came back the same.
3. You hate women, just like your father and his father, so it runs in your blood.
4. I was wandering the derelict car park of your heart looking for a ride home.
5. You’re a ghost town I’m too patriotic to leave.
6. I stay because you’re the beginning of the dream I want to remember.
7. I didn’t call him back because he likes his girls voiceless.
8. It’s not that he wants to be a liar; it’s just that he doesn’t know the truth.
9. I couldn’t love you, you were a small war.
10. We covered the smell of loss with jokes.
11. I didn’t want to fail at love like our parents.
12. You made the nomad in me build a house and stay.
13. I’m not a dog.
14. We were trying to prove our blood wrong.
15. I was still lonely so I did even lonelier things.
16. Yes, I’m insecure, but so was my mother and her mother.
17. No, he loves me he just makes me cry a lot.
18. He knows all of my secrets and still wants to kiss me.
19. You were too cruel to love for a long time.
20. It just didn’t work out.
21. My dad walked out one afternoon and never came back.
22. I can’t sleep because I can still taste him in my mouth.
23. I cut him out at the root, he was my favorite tree, rotting, threatening the foundations of my home.
24. The women in my family die waiting.
25. Because I didn’t want to die waiting for you.
26. I had to leave, I felt lonely when he held me.
27. You’re the song I rewind until I know all the words and I feel sick.
28. He sent me a text that said “I love you so bad.”
29. His heart wasn’t as beautiful as his smile
30. We emotionally manipulated one another until we thought it was love. 
31. Forgive me, I was lonely so I chose you. 
32. I’m a lover without a lover. 
33. I’m lovely and lonely. 
34. I belong deeply to myself .”

—	Warsan Shine; Excuses For Why We Failed At Love

Looking Like It Just Woke Up

Not sure if I'll be in school because I have food poisoning. Yay...

This has been a hell of a year in the greatest way possible. I was given such great opportunities and I'm happy I took them because I've learn a lot. STAC was most definitely one of them. I didn't know what to expect going into it at first. Of course I was aware of what the program entailed, but I had no clear vision into my future. My major discipline was photography and my knowledge increased exponentially through every step I took. Whether it was flash photography or learning about Robert Frank to Yousuf Karsh, there was research that helped my journey and brought me to my final project. I was so worried to go to Italy and not being able to capture anything good. But 656 pictures later, narrowed down to 10, I was able to turn it into a showcase at STAC night and I'm extremely proud of myself. Through countless hours of cropping and thousands of adjustment layers, I was able to make a finished product. I received many compliments, an offer to buy one of my pieces, and one of my pictures being stolen (which I am both flattered and pissed about). It was a wonderful experience and I don't think I would change a thing about the process. It was a way to learn about getting something done on time, being neat, focusing on presentation and how it brings everything together. This brings me to the guidelines that I set for myself when doing my project in the being of 4th quarter:

• Completion- Did I finish the amount of prints I wanted to? 
• Neatness- Are the prints mounted neatly, are they presentable and worth buying? 
• Editing- Is the editing on par? Is it the best that could be done? Does it help or hurt the photo? 
• Improvement- Does this show improvement throughout the year? Is this something that showcases significant artistic growth or was it just the best thing I could do in 10 minutes?
• Theme- Do the prints showcase a theme or important issue/subject? Do they have meaning and well thought out composition that is coupled with it?  

I can truthfully say that I accomplished five of the five things listed above. I accomplished ten prints, the amount I wanted to. I wish I had done more, but I think it was best that I chose my favorite ten. I think they were mounted very well on the mats and quite presentable. Are they worth buying? Apparently so. I'm surprised that I am able to check off these things for what I accomplished. Was the editing on par? For many yes, but I think I need to realize that the pictures won't always come out the same on paper as it appears on the computer. Overall, I think my editing was great and improved from the beginning of the year. It shows artistic growth, especially considering that I knew nothing about adjustment layers and now that's mostly what I use. I also learned how to photoshop clouds into pictures which has proven to be extremely beneficial. I think these pictures all have a very European look to it and I think can serve as a theme. 

What a bittersweet year. I'm thankful for it, but it's hard to digest that it'll all be over within a matter of hours. 

Thank you Luke for being a great support in everything that I've done. If I ever wanted to do something, you pushed me in the right direction with your trust and faith. I don't think I could've done it without you. I'm hoping to see you before I go away so I can say this in person. 

And a shout out to all of those lovely people in my artistic community. Your constructive criticisms and creative ideas helped me even when I was in some awful artistic slumps. Thank you so much and always continue to use art as your way of navigating life. 

Giving Up The Gun

“High school, it seems, has changed. It has become competitive. Young men and women — 13 to 18 years old — must work more or less tirelessly to ensure their spot at a college deemed worthy to them and their families. So rather than living their adolescent lives — lives brimming with desires and vitality, with vim, vigor, and brewing lust — these kids are working at old age homes, cramming for tests, popping Adderall just to make the literal and proverbial grade. And for what? So they can go to a school that puts them in debt for the rest of their lives. School has become a great vehicle of capitalism: it quashes the revolution implicit in adolescence while simultaneously fomenting perpetual indebtedness.” -Daniel Coffeen 


I just want to leave this here. 

Pyramids

My project most recently has been based on self made filters and effects. So far I've tried spit, tape, paper (to make a vignette, and it worked!), dry erase marker, and just moving it to make it blurry. I think I want to go out to a craft store or even a 99 cents store and see what things I could possibly turn into a filter. I definitely want to buy cellophane and see how it would look.

I found a site that has a bunch of awesome homemade filters:
http://gizmodo.com/5846828/24-photos-from-crazy-homemade-filters

Things ranging from cheese to tights to the lid of a Tupperware lunchbox. The best part about this project is the amount of experiment that I get to do to find what works best for me. Essentially, I can try to turn anything into a filter... so maybe scratch going to the store to find something. People are so creative and decide to use what's on their hands to make a filter, and I am capable of doing so.

While writing this blogpost I got inspired to try some effects out!

 Through a perfume bottle: 

Through a fisheye viewfinder: 

Playing with a flame:

I really like all of these, but I really love the ones with fire. The fire looks like leaks you'd find with film and it's a great touch. The perfume bottle was cool, but the only obstacle was trying not to get the logo in the picture. I just picked up three things I found in my room and turned them into effects/filters. Yay for DIY! 

Google Poems

I saw someone make a Google poem so I wanted to try it out! Here are some attempts: 

To Moscow and Quickly

For the past few days, I have found myself uninspired and not enjoying what I was doing. It seemed so boring and meaningless, but you always have to face that to see a final product. I was presented with a new project to work on with Katherine. She gave me her tankas to read and I was asked to take pictures  to go with them. This project deals with both photography and design- what looks right, whats aesthetically appealing to the eye. I started looking at some books that Luke gave me. I really liked Mario Testino's work a lot. He's well known for his fashion photography, but the pictures I saw today were a mixture of his pictures such as landscapes and other random snaps. There was a grittiness to every picture and there was something about it that gave me confidence about going forward with this project. Katherine's tankas were the inspiration I needed in my life. She is such a great writer and I'm happy that she's a new addition to my artistic community.

The Great Flatsby (A Review)

This was a film I had anticipated for months. The first trailer left me skeptical and completely displeased, but after viewing the second and third trailer, I decided to give it a chance. Once I purchased my ticket, it finally hit me that I was going to see The Great Gatsby- hoping it would live up to its name.

Within the first thirty minutes, there wasn’t much to do but cringe at the overly done and unrealistic CGI. There didn’t seem to be any effort in making it seem remotely real, and sometimes it was hard to tell if it was an animated film or not. I couldn’t help to giggle at its intolerable artificiality.

Let’s not forget about the atrocity that was the editing of shots. My eyes were being tortured by the visual chaos that ensued. While many argue that the overbearing cinematography was part of the visualization, it was more annoying than extravagant. It was distractions after distractions and took away from any chance of it being enjoyable.

You would think the soundtrack could possibly redeem the film as a whole and embody the Roaring Twenties vibe, perhaps even provide a contemporary interpretation of music from that time. Think again. Jay-Z, Beyonce, and Andre 3000 were some of the many artists that made it on to this soundtrack. That was a curveball in itself and saying that any of the songs had a jazz influence would be quite a stretch. 

Although this movie had its fault, the casting was executed almost perfectly. It seems that every character was portrayed and chosen with thoughtful consideration. At times Toby Maguire was trite and made the viewer feel uncomfortable, but he managed to capture the observant personality of Nick Carraway. Leonardo Dicaprio and Carey Mulligan brought magic to the audience with their wonderful performances. The dynamics between every character provided a sense of reality in even the most excessive scenes.

Despite your love or disdain for this film, there was no doubt that it brought a new sense appreciation for such an important and beautifully written work of literature. This was most definitely a true Baz Luhrmann film, but to call it a true interpretation of The Great Gatsby would be oversimplifying its many downfalls.  With that, I give you dedicated Gatsby fans a warning: this may be your picture perfect Gatsby or your worst nightmare.