Excuses For Why We Failed At Love

“1. I’m lonely so I do lonely things.
2. Loving you was like going to war; I never came back the same.
3. You hate women, just like your father and his father, so it runs in your blood.
4. I was wandering the derelict car park of your heart looking for a ride home.
5. You’re a ghost town I’m too patriotic to leave.
6. I stay because you’re the beginning of the dream I want to remember.
7. I didn’t call him back because he likes his girls voiceless.
8. It’s not that he wants to be a liar; it’s just that he doesn’t know the truth.
9. I couldn’t love you, you were a small war.
10. We covered the smell of loss with jokes.
11. I didn’t want to fail at love like our parents.
12. You made the nomad in me build a house and stay.
13. I’m not a dog.
14. We were trying to prove our blood wrong.
15. I was still lonely so I did even lonelier things.
16. Yes, I’m insecure, but so was my mother and her mother.
17. No, he loves me he just makes me cry a lot.
18. He knows all of my secrets and still wants to kiss me.
19. You were too cruel to love for a long time.
20. It just didn’t work out.
21. My dad walked out one afternoon and never came back.
22. I can’t sleep because I can still taste him in my mouth.
23. I cut him out at the root, he was my favorite tree, rotting, threatening the foundations of my home.
24. The women in my family die waiting.
25. Because I didn’t want to die waiting for you.
26. I had to leave, I felt lonely when he held me.
27. You’re the song I rewind until I know all the words and I feel sick.
28. He sent me a text that said “I love you so bad.”
29. His heart wasn’t as beautiful as his smile
30. We emotionally manipulated one another until we thought it was love. 
31. Forgive me, I was lonely so I chose you. 
32. I’m a lover without a lover. 
33. I’m lovely and lonely. 
34. I belong deeply to myself .”

—	Warsan Shine; Excuses For Why We Failed At Love

Looking Like It Just Woke Up

Not sure if I'll be in school because I have food poisoning. Yay...

This has been a hell of a year in the greatest way possible. I was given such great opportunities and I'm happy I took them because I've learn a lot. STAC was most definitely one of them. I didn't know what to expect going into it at first. Of course I was aware of what the program entailed, but I had no clear vision into my future. My major discipline was photography and my knowledge increased exponentially through every step I took. Whether it was flash photography or learning about Robert Frank to Yousuf Karsh, there was research that helped my journey and brought me to my final project. I was so worried to go to Italy and not being able to capture anything good. But 656 pictures later, narrowed down to 10, I was able to turn it into a showcase at STAC night and I'm extremely proud of myself. Through countless hours of cropping and thousands of adjustment layers, I was able to make a finished product. I received many compliments, an offer to buy one of my pieces, and one of my pictures being stolen (which I am both flattered and pissed about). It was a wonderful experience and I don't think I would change a thing about the process. It was a way to learn about getting something done on time, being neat, focusing on presentation and how it brings everything together. This brings me to the guidelines that I set for myself when doing my project in the being of 4th quarter:

• Completion- Did I finish the amount of prints I wanted to? 
• Neatness- Are the prints mounted neatly, are they presentable and worth buying? 
• Editing- Is the editing on par? Is it the best that could be done? Does it help or hurt the photo? 
• Improvement- Does this show improvement throughout the year? Is this something that showcases significant artistic growth or was it just the best thing I could do in 10 minutes?
• Theme- Do the prints showcase a theme or important issue/subject? Do they have meaning and well thought out composition that is coupled with it?  

I can truthfully say that I accomplished five of the five things listed above. I accomplished ten prints, the amount I wanted to. I wish I had done more, but I think it was best that I chose my favorite ten. I think they were mounted very well on the mats and quite presentable. Are they worth buying? Apparently so. I'm surprised that I am able to check off these things for what I accomplished. Was the editing on par? For many yes, but I think I need to realize that the pictures won't always come out the same on paper as it appears on the computer. Overall, I think my editing was great and improved from the beginning of the year. It shows artistic growth, especially considering that I knew nothing about adjustment layers and now that's mostly what I use. I also learned how to photoshop clouds into pictures which has proven to be extremely beneficial. I think these pictures all have a very European look to it and I think can serve as a theme. 

What a bittersweet year. I'm thankful for it, but it's hard to digest that it'll all be over within a matter of hours. 

Thank you Luke for being a great support in everything that I've done. If I ever wanted to do something, you pushed me in the right direction with your trust and faith. I don't think I could've done it without you. I'm hoping to see you before I go away so I can say this in person. 

And a shout out to all of those lovely people in my artistic community. Your constructive criticisms and creative ideas helped me even when I was in some awful artistic slumps. Thank you so much and always continue to use art as your way of navigating life.